My Story

This is my story and what I have experienced in life. To be honest, this blogging thing is kind of uncomfortable for me. I am usually a pretty private person, but have been feeling lately how necessary it is for all of us to understand we are in the same boat! We all have scars we carry around with us, baring the burden alone. I don't want it to be like that anymore! We can confess to each other that we are all human, all have struggles, and are more alike than we realize. Let's not walk around like we have it all together! Lets instead bare the truth bravely. Through sharing our stories we can and relate to each other and in turn help one another. :)

The beginning
Ok so here is my story... It starts when I was about 17? maybe earlier? I had this feeling in my gut that did not feel right. It felt like a hole, like a piece of me was missing. To make it more clear for you, I will try to paint a picture of my life at this point from what I remember....

First love
I was about to graduate high school, was really looking forward to it. I had been in a relationship for about 2 1/2 years, and it was falling apart in front of my eyes. We were fighting, I was jealous, I was becoming mean and not myself, we were beginning to lose respect for each other and at the same time I was loosing respect for myself. To forget the pain, (and the pain was so deep. It literally felt like my heart was cracking and breaking), I would go out with my friends to parties and drink and have fun. I had felt "The Hole" in my gut before the relationship started to end, and it may have even been one of the reasons why it was ending. I put the blame on myself.

     The Hole: A lost feeling deep inside. Feeling like I could never be satisfied.
     Like something was wrong with me. I wanted to feel happy, like everyone
     else was, but it took effort and thought for me. Only being happy in
     moments. Questioning the point of life. What is the purpose here? Is there
     a purpose? A loneliness. A vulnerability. Putting myself down all the time.
     Never being good enough...    

It's not what it looks like
From the outside, it seemed that I had all a person could want in life. A loving family, great friends, a boyfriend (that I was going to marry, thats what I used to say back then), good health, and so on. I felt so guilty about what was going on in my life. I felt like I was at fault for the problems with my first love because of The Hole that was causing me to act like a crazy person. I didn't know why The Hole was there in the first place!? It was annoying and frustrating. I had no reason to complain about anything in life, yet I still wasn't satisfied.

The only things that would help me deal with these feelings was (1) looking towards my future and hoping it would be better and (2) looking to others for recognition.

Graduating high school and entering the real world, going to college and having the "college experience", turning 21, traveling, starting my career, getting married, having kids... were some of the experiences I looked forward to. And as far as looking for recognition, I would only feel pretty if someone said it. I would only feel loved if someone was telling me constantly and still that wasn't even enough.

I realize now that I couldn't feel the joy of love because I didn't really love myself. Wowee Its hard to say that publicly. lol But in our society today, it is hard to love yourself. We are constantly comparing our selves to other people and thinking we are not good enough.. Back then, I never would have thought that not loving myself was the reason for all of my issues. I guess my pride and ego got in the way.

Now that I am looking back, I can see that I was looking for answers outside of myself. I was depending on experiences and people to make ME happy. That doesn't make any sense knowing what I know now, but I can understand why I did this (check out my other blog "The search For Our True Selves").

At the time I remember thinking "do I need therapy? I should see a counselor. I am never going to be happy."

The Hole was taking over my life. I couldn't even move on from the break up with my ex. I was so depressed and only pleased in temporary moments. Like short spurts of happiness that came and went when I thought about going out on a Friday night, or dancing away my problems at a club, or drinking at a house party, or buying a new outfit to wear, or thinking that better times would come. That's all I could look forward to in order to take away The Hole inside of me.

Desperate
One night I was so desperate. I was crying hard, I couldn't breathe, I was distraught and hopeless. I felt like there was no way out. So, I decided to pray (even though it was something I rarely did). I prayed to get through this and to see the truth. I knew my ex wasn't right for me but I couldn't get over it! It was so frustrating. A short while after that, I woke up with an epiphany. Woohooo! I finally saw it clearly. HE IS NOT FOR ME. Thats it. It was over and I could finally move on. I went to see him and told him that it was wonderful while it lasted and I learned a great deal from the relationship, but it is done! I felt so liberated. I didn't realize till just now, but it was probably the praying that brought on the epiphany. Prayer and patience.

Things are looking up
I finally felt good, like I did something right for once. I began to focus on me. It started with getting a gym membership. Going to the gym became a part of my schedule. It was on top of my priority list and I loved it. I was feeling good about myself, I felt like I was actually doing something that was just for me. I realize now as I write this how this is a twisted truth. When you go to the gym and get in great shape, you feel good, but not simply because you want to be healthy for you, it is actually for other people too, if not completely. You want to look good so people will notice, so you can feel "hotter". Although it is focusing on "you", it still not focusing on the inside, the spirit, its focusing on the outside, the body. It is so upsetting how we can be deceived by this. It gets to a point where we only feel good when we look good. I remember I would have a bad day if I didn't feel pretty. My day or night would be awesome if I felt like I looked good. This is so wrong and horrible wow! I feel so sad for little lost Nicole and all of the other innocent youngins feeling this way. Gosh, but there is hope! Just stay tuned lol

I was so hard on myself. If I didn't go to the gym I would feel guilty, like I had to at least take a walk or eat extremely healthy for the day. This is not what I wanted from life. I wanted to feel truly happy on the inside no mater what I did for the day, not only happy or content if I went to the gym. When I realized (after a few years) that The Hole was still there, I decided that I needed to get deeper. Get to know myself on the inside better.

Yoga
I had a feeling that what I needed was yoga. I didn't want the physical part of yoga, the benefits of the body, because I was already in good shape, what I wanted was the deeper part of yoga. So I started looking into different types of yoga. There were so many types, Hatha yoga, Bikram yoga... Someone told me that I needed to align my chakras. What the heck are chakras anyway? I started to research chakras and bought a couple books on chakras and auras and so on. What I read was that we all have 7 vortex's of energy in our bodies that are supposed to spin together in unison. If they don't spin in unison, we have an off-feeling inside of us. I really thought that the off-feeling described was The Hole I felt. So I started to visit yoga studios to find one that could work on aligning my chakras.

I joined Dahn yoga, which was a mix of yoga, deep meditation and chakra alignment. I got so into it. I could mediate for long periods of time without my thoughts getting in the way. My body became so flexible . I felt inner peace. I was convinced The Hole was filled. I even encouraged friends to join yoga and practice meditation. After months and months of getting really deep into the art of yoga, and even thinking of becoming a yoga instructor, nutritionist or personal trainer, I started to feel off again. I was feeling really moody, easily annoyed and I didn't like being around myself. Of coarse I tried to put it off as hormones. lol But I would have ran away from myself if I could have. Even though I thought yoga had filled the void, it was back. What a lonely, lost feeling that was.

Religion?
I started to think about why yoga wasn't the answer for me. The major thing that bothered me about yoga was that it was something that was supposed to be for the inside, but it took doing something physical (like meditating) in order to get to that inner peace. I didn't like the thought that I needed to religiously practice yoga and religiously mediate in order to be at peace. I didn't get how I could find "inner peace" and then go to bed and have to re-attain the feeling in the morning. If I was at peace, shouldn't I just be at peace? Why did I have to be at peace, than not, than feel peace again, the lose it. It kind of confused me. It also bothered me that yoga was like a religion. I really don't like religion in the first place.

     According to wikipedia, religion: is a set of beliefs concerning the cause,
     nature, and purpose of the universe, especially when considered as the
     creation of a supernatural agency or agencies, usually involving devotional
     and ritual observances, and often containing a moral code governing the
     conduct of human affairs.

Religion bothers me. I don't like the idea that a set of beliefs is truth. If that is the case then there is no truth to begin with. Because truth would be relative depending on who believes what religion. So basically religion implies that there is no actual truth in this world. Ehhh that doesn't sit well with me lol Religion also typically involves "devotional or ritual observances" as quoted above. Ritual and routine aren't appealing to me. And thats what I felt like I was doing with yoga. Religiously meditating, religiously going to class and supposed to be finding my true self in the process.

I just realized that religion was what I was doing with the gym as well. If I didn't go, I could not feel content. It was a routine and ritual in order to feel good inside. When I was into yoga, I kind of felt trapped, like the only way to happiness was through yoga, and I didn't like that feeling. What if I didn't feel like meditating for a day?! I couldn't be at peace? What if I didn't want to sit in silence for an hour or even 10 minutes? Than I couldn't connect with my inner self? Even though I became really good at quieting my thoughts and "being in the present moment", I still didn't like the ritual part about yoga. It still involved doing something in order to find my true self. Which seemed slightly contradicting to me.

Astrology
My yoga membership, which was extremely expensive btw, came to an end and even though the instructors were urging me to come back, I felt that I needed to continue to search, because The Hole was still there and yoga wasn't the answer. :( While I was in yoga, I had been becoming increasingly more interested in astrology. So once I left yoga, I delved right into astrology. I bought a few interesting books and started to look into the signs and stars. It seemed so cool to me that each specific sign was so right on with who I was and who my friends and family were too. At this point in my life I had already met Charlie (my angel and current boyfriend) and even the description of our signs in relationship with one another were true! I began looking into courses to further my knowledge and possibly even start a career in this direction. After failed attempts to sign up for a course, I had to be brutally honest with myself. Even though all of this astrology stuff was so interesting, I still had trouble dealing with the fact that all scorpios have the same qualities. Aren't I more unique and special than that? Can someone really be categorized this way? Again, I was looking outside of myself for answers on who I was inside. Astrology wasn't adding up for me. The Hole was still there. How could I continue in this direction, if it didn't fully feel right inside. I want truth in life. That's all I want. That's what I was seeking and coming up short over and over again. Ugh how frustrating.

During this time I was getting ready to graduate college. I was a nervous wreck because I still didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. I never wanted to just pick a career out of a hat, or choose something because of the money. Money couldn't motivate me. I was looking for something deeper than money. I knew money could never fill The Hole or bring me happiness. ALL I WANT IS TO BE HAPPY DAMMIT! lol Why was this so hard for me?!

Traveling
I graduated college and decided that I needed to travel. I wanted to find myself by traveling the world. Or maybe have some awesome revelations about life. After all, all the movies tell me that this is what happens when you travel. lol but seriously. I planned a trip to Europe. I would start off in Amsterdam, travel to London, Paris, Switzerland, all over Italy and end up in Croatia (where my dad is from). FUN stuff! While in Europe, even though it was amazing, I was having a bit of trouble really taking it all in and being present in the moment. I really wanted to be so appreciative of what I was experiencing but found that I would often get annoyed if things didn't go according to plan. I kind of hated being around myself. I was pissing myself off because I couldn't just enjoy and relax. Another thing that bothered me was that I couldn't go to the gym or even eat healthy. I was feeling crappy about myself and I didn't want to! Even thinking about all the money I was spending was in the back of my head annoying me. I just wanted to be freeee. It was frustrating. Even my studies of "positive thinking" and "law of attraction" weren't helping me!

After getting home from my trip, it was supposed to be time to buckle down and figure my life out. Everyone would ask me what I was doing since graduating college and where I was working... and it bothered me. I dreaded the question because I didn't know what I was doing or even what direction I wanted to go in. At that point I was just babysitting and felt that people looked down upon that. Dealing with "status" was another issue I had been battling with. Eventually, I got an internship working with homeless youth for a non-profit organization called Imagine Project. I finally felt like I had something to share when people asked me the dreaded question, but I got so many negative reactions when saying a non-profit org, anyway. I started to realize that even though I did want to help people, the truth was I didn't feel connected to this job. I was looking for recognition and assurance from people. I really had to let go of the opinions of others and stop trying to find any career just to make others think I had become something so great. I desperately wanted to disconnect from worrying about other peoples opinions of me and get to the core of who I really was.

Seeking God
I didn't know how to do this, though! I had tried so many times to seek my true self, and kept coming up short. I had that desperate feeling again, the same feeling I felt when my ex and I had broken up; the circumstances were completely different but the feeling was the same. Distraught. Lost. Confused. THE HOLE. I just needed help, guidance! Therapy? No, I had no desire to go to therapy (even though I thought about it). I started to pray again. Like I did the first time. I prayed "God, if you are there I need help. I am so desperate! I am begging you! I don't know what to do anymore. I just want to be happy. Not only in moments but truly happy from the bottom of my being. I know it exists and I am seeking truth! Please help meee!!" Those probably weren't the exact words but it was something along those lines. I remember feeling relieved when I prayed. It was a funny because I wasn't even sure what existed out there, yet praying made me feel safer, relieved, and at ease. I felt The Hole disappear for a split second. And I had faith that I would feel free and happy. I believed it in my heart. I guess I was trusting that God heard my prayer, and that He would help me. I liked the feeling of praying, so I started to do it a lot. Every day I would pray to a God that I didn't even really know existed. I was brought up Catholic and was supposed to have all these beliefs, but I never connected with them because as I told you before, I don't like religion.

I continued to pray and I liked praying. It didn't feel like something I had to do. It was fun for me because I started to believe in my heart that there was a God who heard me and would help me.  I stayed focused on the fact that I must be patient and He will answer my prayers. I remember the day it happened... I was curious about why we celebrate Easter. lol We celebrate every year, yet I don't even know the whole story as to why. It was embarrassing. I knew it had something to do with Jesus. Who is Jesus, anyway? And who says He even existed? But I was curious about the holiday and plus I like to read. I went to the library and as I was walking over to the computer to start a search, I passed a return cart filled with books. For some reason, I had no idea why (now I do, though -it was God) I stuck my hand into the pile of books and just pulled out a random one. I didn't even look at the titles. It happened quickly. When I looked at the book I had pulled out, it was titled "The Gospel According to Mary: A New Testament for Women." It was a book about the stories of Jesus. The stories came straight from the Bible. This seemed really weird to me, considering the book was along the lines of what I was in search of in the first place. I had a feeling in the deepest part of me, where The Hole lived, that this was God answering my diligent prayers.

A new start
When I started reading the book, something crazy was happening inside of me. The more I read about Jesus, the more things in my life started to make sense. The Hole was actually closing and I KNEW it was for real this time. As I learned about Jesus, I learned that He is God in human form. When I would think about God, I had no idea what to actually think. I couldn't even picture Him in my head when I prayed to Him. But Jesus, on the other hand, is God in the body of a man. I could relate to Him, and that is why God sent Himself to earth.

I could relate when my friends tell me stories or give me advice, so I could relate to Jesus' (God's) advice and teachings. This makes so much sense to me now because I understand that God is the One who made my spirit, my true self. The only way that I was able to get in touch with the real me was through Jesus, because God made me and my spirit is of Him (more info in my blog "The Search For Our True Selves") This is the coolest thing to me. EVER. I got more and more excited to learn about Jesus, because it helped me to actually learn about myself. And to get to know God personally. Who thought a mere human being could actually know God? Jesus bridges the gap!

My relationship with God changed completely through Jesus. He was the key for me. After trusting that there is definitely a God, and He loves me so much and has a plan for me, my life started to transform! Even my career, which I had been so confused about started to come into place. I was able to learn about who I really am and what I love and in turn able to distinguish a career that I LOVE! I love helping people and talking them through their problems. I have done this without even realizing it all my life. Now, because of God, I have found a job where I can do just that. No, not a therapist, but a life coach! A Christian life coach (Which is helping a person to find their God given purpose in life and live the beautiful life God intended them to live :)). We can all use a coach cheering us on, can't we? :) Now, circumstance has NO control over me. I am fulfilled from the inside out, so nothing on the outside can effect my joy. It is the most wonderful thing to me and ALL THE CREDIT GOES TO GOD for helping me see and accept my true self, and get to know and love Him.

Not only has God impacted the career part of my life, but EVERY aspect because I stopped depending on being self-sufficient and surrendered my life to Christ. He lives through me. I trust in Him and have been made new! Now I get why people say they are "born again" or "saved". I really feel like a new born person, like I was saved from my own self-destructive ways! Yay! I love myself now! Because I know that god loves me. It's not just something I say to make myself feel better, I actually am in a relationship with God and know what He says to me. This allows me to love others so, so deeply. I just want to dance and sing everyday because I am so happy and fulfilled and I want to share in this joy with everyone! And what a refreshing truth it is to know that God has nothing to do with religion. Nothing to do with ritual. It is relationship. And that is all.

Just look at the lyrics of "Amazing Grace":
     "Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, That saved a wretch like me.
       I once was lost but now am found, Was blind, but now I see. T'was
     Grace that taught my heart to fear. And Grace, my fears relieved. How
     precious did that Grace appear The hour I first believed."
     (Grace being Gods love and compassion for us)

There's more to the song... you can look it up, you guys know how to use youtube right? ;) that was a joke.
      
Letting go and letting God
Gosh, guys it is just so great to let go of all the little things in life that we put so much emphasis on and just let God have all of our worries. He tells us Himself to cast our worries to Him. We cannot take it all, we are just humans we are so small. God is infinite. He is so great, He IS. He can take it all from us and free us. It is the most beautiful thing in the world to see how God has tranformed me. I can look back now and see that all those times I felt so weak and lost, that was God, who planned those experiences to allow me to use them to help others! Now I can guide those who feel lost. All because of God's grace. We all are looking for something greater than ourselves, whether it is through science, the universe, matter, through law of attraction, our higher selves.... We look for this because our nature is of God, and deep inside we are looking for HIM, without even realizing it. The answer is Jesus! Who woulda thought!

     In the Word of God, the Bible (which is so amazing) it says: "Don't worry about anything;
     instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for
     all he has done. Then you will experience gods peace, which exceeds
     anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds
     as you live in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 4:6

I want to finish by saying, first off, wow that was extremely long, so thank you for reading. Secondly, I would so encourage you to just be open to the idea of Jesus and believe and talk to Him. Your life will change. Tell Jesus you want to know Him personally. Seek Him and you will find Him. And lastly, guys, share your stories! We are all living on this same earth we can relate to each other. Type them and send me your stories if you want! I will post them on this blog and you can be a huge inspiration to others just by sharing the struggles you are facing or what you have learned from life, or from God. They can be annonymous, who cares!

I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!

P.S. Something so cool happened last night. After I finished this blog (I didn't post it yet), my brother and his friend were watching a show called "I Survived: Beyond and Back" I put it on in my room, started watching and the stories were amazing! The feeling the woman, Dea, describes at the end reminded me of what I was saying about "feeling new". Check it out if your bored. :)

The Search For Our True Selves.

It seems the majority of people today are in search of something. Some may describe "it" as inner peace, truth, the spirit, freedom, nirvana, true self, the list continues. This search can often times be confusing, considering a human being is made up of three parts; body, soul, and spirit. The body has a sense of consciousness that responds to the five senses. The soul is made up of mind, will and emotions; in other words the soul is our personality. It is self-conscious, so our ego is what motivates the soul. The spirit is the essence of who we are, or our true identity. A simple way to put this is, a person is a spirit who has a soul and lives in a body.

When we are born, we are not in touch with our spirit, we are motivated by body and soul. Our motives are about self; "I want what I want", "mine", "me". We have to be taught to share and taught to be considerate to others. This is why when we are children our dreams are immeasurable. We want to go to the moon, become a heart surgeon, travel the world... we feel we can do anything because our world revolves around us. How easy would it be to make all your dreams come true if you were literally the center of the universe? You would be in control of everything.

As we get older, we begin to realize that we are not always in control. There are circumstances, limitations and people outside of ourselves that may keep us from reaching our self-motivated dreams. The life we once knew full of freedom and endless possibilities, starts to slowly diminish as we begin to understand with our minds that the world does not revolve around us. This is why adolescence is considered one of the most challenging stage of life. The body and soul can hardly sustain in a world were you are not the center. We begin a battle against ourselves.

Once we feel all of this frustration, naturally we want to change it, so we begin to adjust. Thinking so innocently that the way to feel content again is from acceptance of sources outside of ourselves. We begin to change the way we dress, talk, act, possibly change the crowd we hang out with, just looking to feel at home in our own bodies again. When we find that no matter how much we change and adjust, we still cannot get that free feeling from childhood back, we begin to turn on ourselves. We believe we are just not good enough, always comparing ourselves to others, thinking "They have it right, why cant I."

People stay stuck in this stage for years, even all of their lives in some cases. Others grow sick and tired of the feeling and have the urge to change it. This is where self-help usually comes into play. We want to love and accept ourselves again, and it seems in order to do this we must focus on self improvement. We may start to go to the gym and eat healthy, or take up yoga, start to read more, focus on gaining knowledge, work harder, work more, change the way we think, think positively, be friendly, smile. Doing all or any of these things seems to make sense. Why shouldn't we better ourselves? The intentions here are so pure and so innocent while in this mind set.

As we make these changes in our body and soul, we start to feel better. We may look better, gain confidence, feel more self worth, all in all were back on track... or at least thats what we think. We continue this self-motivating life style, focused on self-help and self-improvement. We keep striving to get back to that point of happiness and freedom we felt as a child. Some people may even try to get themselves to think how a child would, to see life as a child would, but this is foolish. In reality, we are not children, we can try to see life how they do, but we will be trying our whole life.

While making these self improvements, we begin to get recognition from others around us. People notice we are in better shape, or looking happier... and so on. This is very dangerous territory because we feed off of this recognition. We get to a point where the recognition becomes our fuel. We are seeking acceptance and we seem to be getting it! Feeding our egos becomes our primary concern. We keep pushing ourselves to reach higher goals, to do more, to balance it all until we are spiraling out of control. We are like a snowball rolling down a hill picking up speed. We get to a point where we cant even sit still! We feel we should be doing something, we could be doing something at ALL times. It is absolutely exhausting.

Yes, we are seeking acceptance, but we are seeking in the wrong places. Instead of looking outside of ourselves, we must look within. This is where the third part of our being comes into play, our spirit. Our spirit is our true identity. If we can live in the spirit we are fully free because we are truly ourselves, the person God created us to be. We are down to the deepest part of ourselves and we can live in peace and dance in the joy of it! We are free, and circumstances, limitations or other people can never have control of us again!

But how do we find our spirit? How do we get to know our spirit?

When an inventor makes an creation (or invention), the inventor decides what the purpose of the creation will be. The inventor takes each small part and puts it together to create one fully functioning creation. He takes time and effort and puts his love into the creation, he wants to leave his mark on it. This is the way that God created us. He is the inventor and we are His creations. He has created us each with a specific purpose for our lives. He knows our names and the number of hairs on our heads, after all He was the One who decided them. He took pride in creating each of us and wants the credit for it. An artist, or anyone who has created anything in their lifetime for that matter, can relate to this.

How would you like it if you worked on a special art project, or practiced hard to win the game, or really studied for a test and someone else took the credit for it? It wasn't you who people were praising, it was someone else. Or how about if your art project (lets use a robot for this example :)) walked around saying it didn't care about you and doesn't need you! You created it! How dare it! You put all of your love into this creation and now it wont even acknowledge you.

God created us in the image of Himself. He loved us so much that He gave us a spirit that is of Him! This is why when we begin to dig deeper and understand our spirit, we see that we are motivated less by furthering ourselves and motivated more by helping others. We realize we do not need to improve ourselves, we have everything we need inside of us. All the things we tried to do in the past, become natural. There is no more trying to be positive, have more family time, and so on.

When we are seeking our spirit, we must surrender to the fact that no matter how many self-improvements we make, we cannot find our true selves and our purpose without acknowledging our Creator. He knows the secrets to our spirit because He made it.

How do we seek God?

We can start by just feeling that He is there. Understanding that there is something so much bigger than us. Renewing the mind to see we are not held captive by the weight of the world on our shoulders. Knowing the opinions of others will not get in the way. Embracing the fact that we are small, that we are humans. Being excited and joyful that we have a God who loves us and has perfect plans for our lives.

Your parents did not conceive you in order to ruin your life. The same goes for God. Why would he create us in the first place if it wasn't for our benefit? He is God, He does not need to create anything. But He did. And He also created a beautiful world and breathtaking scenery for us to marvel at. Every time we look at the the sun setting, the waves of the ocean, the snow falling, the birds soaring, we should be reminded of God and all His love for us.

To know the Father, you must know the Son. Jesus is God in the flesh. In Jesus' words:
"That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life -whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn't life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don't plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren't you far more valuable to Him than they are? Can your worries add a single moment to your life? And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don't work or make their clothing, yet any man in all of his glory could not be dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and wilted tomorrow, He will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? So don't worry about these things, saying, 'What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?' These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need. So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Todays trouble is enough for today." -Matthew 6:25-34


Don't understand spirituality in the first place? What is spirituality?